Sunday, April 5, 2009

Quint Essential

Highlights from this week include my shift that I spent training on the appetizer section of the kitchen at work. One of the neatest things was learning how to make shrimp sushi rolls. I know that sushi purists cringe when they're called that because there's some sort of technical term for them. I just call them “sushi” because that's the mental image I want to invoke. Like how a person starts a description of a person by saying “Now I don't want to say she was an insecure, tightly wound, mental case” because no matter what they say after that you've already got that first mental image. Hoorah for intentional misdirection! Wait, what was I even talking about?

Shrimp rolls! Here's how to make a shrimp roll.

Step 0: (I remembered these after I wrote the rest and I don't want to change the numbering): Take out your bamboo mat. Everything is done on the mat.
Step 0.5: Put a bit of water or ginger vinegar on your hands to stop the rice from sticking too bad. Then clap your hands together to ward off evil kami (spirits), tengu (goblins), or Pokémon (pocket monsters).
Step 1: Take a piece of nori (seaweed paper) and spread the sticky sushi rice all over the thing. Like, all over. To the edges and stuff.
Step 2: Sprinkle sesame seeds on the thing. This makes it look festive.
Step 3: Turn thing over.
Step 4: Place a line of the... something... sauce (I can't remember the name) along the sushi, followed by a green onion and fried shrimp. Like, tempura fried. I think.
Step 5: Firmly roll the sushi using the bamboo mat, tucking in the one edge.
Step 6: Okay, it's splitting open. I didn't tuck it in right.
Step 7: Tuck it in a bit and then roll it together again.
Step 8: What the crap, it's still splitting along the side. Okay, the freakin' green onion is pressing against the fold of it.
Step 9: Open up the whole freakin' thing and put the freakin' green onion in the middle.
Step 10: Firmly roll the sushi using the bamboo mat.
Step 11: Bllaarrg. The stupid onion is still making the thing pop like an appendix.
Step 12: Okay, I was still messing up the place to fold it, so I'll just change that a bit.
Step 13: AH CRAP the shrimp fell out of the end. And it won't go back in without me totally manhandling this thing.
Step 14: Unroll, re-roll. Great, now something sauce is all over the place.
Step 15: Okay, it's finally a long, marginally solid lump.
Step 16: Cut the roll in half and then cut the uneven tips off, and throw them away.
Step 17: Weep as you throw perfectly edible food away for simply for the simple yet unforgivable crime of not being pretty/symmetrical.
Step 18: Cut in half again and again and... again? Whatever, you should be left with 8 pieces.
Step 19: Put on a small rectangular tray with a serving cup of soy sauce, a teensy-weensy-peensy bit of wasabi (decongestant), and a ginger rose.
Step 20: Wonder what the heck the ginger rose is for. Are you supposed to eat it? Is it a garnish? A seasoning? Art? Some sort of message?!?
Step 21: Hey, I just found a take-out menu on my desk. The sauce is called togorashi (fighting monkey*) sauce and the shrimp are definitely tempura (from the Latin “tempora” and introduced to Japan by Portuguese missionaries in the 16th century. Seriously!) .

Anything else happen this weekend? Oh yes, the One Hundred and Seventy-Somethingth General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! My favourite talk was from the final session on Sunday when Dallin H Oaks used greedy executives giving themselves bonuses as an example of entitlement. And that, AIG, is an APOSTOLIC BURN! Ooooooh! Elder Oaks also used the word “retards” in his talk and quoted from C S Lewis. How long until we can just consider the complete works of C S Lewis as cannon? Heck, next time we update our scriptues we can throw The Screwtape Letters behind The Pearl of Great Price. And we can call it a quint instead of a quad! Sweeeeet. Then instead of calling it "Scripture Chase" we can call it "Quint Sprinting."

What also caught my attention was when Gary E Stevenson referenced the popular ABC program “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” See, mom? It's cannon now. We can watch it on Sunday and not feel guilty, right?

And that was this week. I've got a job interview coming up to do some landscaping, so we'll see how that goes.

Oh, your videos! Almost forgot. Here's what's awesome this week:

*Just kidding. It means red pepper sauce.

No comments:

Post a Comment